My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
