Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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