So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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