Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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