so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
