I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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