you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
