i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
