He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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