dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
