3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
