btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
