OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize