if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
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