i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
