someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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