i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize