I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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