you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Rumble strips road head = magical
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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