well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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