I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
