theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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