Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
