She's JV to your varsity
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
