do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
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