I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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