At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize