Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
