period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
