C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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