rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
