you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
