Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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