I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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