If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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