I smell stomach acid.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Drake has all the answers
Randomize
