i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize