I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
What a dumb baby whore.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
