Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
