feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
