so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
