My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
