Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
