census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
