The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
The police scanner is talking about you again....
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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