So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
