Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
