We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize