If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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