D3 body, D1 cock
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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