Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
