it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
