how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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