she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
