apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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