If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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