I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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