Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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