If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
that may or may not have been my penis.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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