I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
