Ambien. No doubt about it.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
