Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
