ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
