4 words: hood of his car
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
We talked him into tasing himself.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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