im six kinds of drunk right now
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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