if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
