you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
