Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
