the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
