her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
