I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
